i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
