Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
