bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
