wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
