I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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