fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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