my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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