Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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