I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My life is pants optional.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
