I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
