New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
