Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
