benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
