goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
