My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When are your genitals available?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
