I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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