I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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