oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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