I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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