Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Congratulations! We have a period
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
