Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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