i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
