awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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