I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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