I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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