I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
