When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
