My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
