Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she smelled like a LAN party
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
