The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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