Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
