My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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