Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
