I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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