What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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