the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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