operation harelip BJ is a go
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
