I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
