My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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