No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
