I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm at about main and main street
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
