I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
