do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize