i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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