Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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