she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
