I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
