I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
no, he came in my armpit
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
