A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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