return my video game
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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