Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
