The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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