Having a random hookup so left but love u
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
