Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
