There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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