you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Randomize
