I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
