Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
