He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize