I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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