Define "chronic" masturbator.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
